Chapter 8
Keeping Your Power
January winds could be heard howling outside Farrah’s window. She wanted to avoid school today, she knew Missy had something to do with Jake not going to the mall. Maybe there was an explanation she thought. Maybe his mom just said no and to get a ride from Mrs. St. James. She really liked Jake, and she was hating on Missy for getting in the way.
Farrah arrived at school scouting for Jake. She was going to confront him. Farrah’s eyes darted around each corner of the playground. Looking for the black jacket he had been wearing lately. When she finally did spot him, she saw him waiting outside the bathrooms. Farrah’s feet took on a march as she journeyed across the school yard. About half way along her route, Jake turned towards the bathrooms and disappeared behind an outside wall. Farrah stopped and waited. The wall had a large open circle. She would easily be able to see which direction he would head in. She saw him sit in the open circle, and right next to him sat Missy. Her neon coat although covered in peace signs, still resembled a hunting jacket. Farrah felt like shooting. Farrah’s feet did an about face, she would not talk to Jake now.
The day drew on longer than normal. Math which had always been easy was giving Farrah a hard time. She was relieved to hear the ringing bell over the intercom speakers. Lunch might give her an opportunity to talk with Jake.
Farrah grabbed her packed lunch and was one of the first 6th graders to arrive. She took her normal spot and transformed into a spy. She was scoping all possible entry ways when she saw him. Jake was standing in the double doors staring at Farrah. When Farrah met his gaze he looked down at his hand. Farrah’s eyes followed and she saw what he was looking at. His hand was attached to another. Klinging like a leach was Missy, and Missy saw Farrah looking. It wasn’t long before both Missy and Jake stood at Farrah’s table.
“What are you staring at Scar-Uh?” Missy asked. Jake looked down and never made eye contact with Farrah. “Or should I now call you Stare-Uh”?
“Nothing, I was staring at absolutely nothing.” Farrah said, her sarcastic tone taking a strong stance against Missy’s snide comment.
“Well, you were staring at something. You were staring at me and my boyfriend. So don’t anymore.” Missy said.
“Whatever, you deserve each other.” In that moment Farrah meant it. Jake was an idiot for wanting to date Missy. Anyone who wanted to date Missy deserved her wrath. Jakes eyes never left the floor. He resembled a nose rubbed puppy, without the tail between his legs.
The day didn’t move any faster after lunch. Farrah realized she never wanted to like anyone who liked Missy, at least that is what she told herself. Farrah also felt stupid for still having a part in her wish Jake would just tell Missy off and then confess his undying love for Farrah in front of the whole class. She daydreamed of his exact words during social studies and didn’t finish her in class assignment.
Wes’ day was even less productive. He made himself read another entry of his dad’s journal.
I met a desert angel today. The sand storms were strong. I stood guard outside the makeshift hospital and saw her. She came through like fog, the sand hid her wings but I knew better. She carried trudged foot by foot towards the hospitals shelter carrying a boy in her arms. When I realized I wasn’t dreaming I ran to her. She pleaded to take the boy inside. He was missing a leg and bleeding. There was a tourniquet already tied tightly around the missing leg. I raced as fast as I could through the storm. The doctors started helping immediately, and were hopeful he would live. I went back out to get the saving angel but I couldn’t find her. The sand was thick and hot. It spat at me. I knew that boy, that real boy did not walk himself; after all he was missing a leg. I had to find this girl. I had to know she was okay. I prayed to find her. Anyone who would walk a boy in this storm the way she had, had to be found. I prayed Lord, you sent a savior for that boy. Help me find her. Clear this dust, the way only you can. God was listening. I could hear the wind around me, but it grew still in one place just long enough for me to glimpse her lying face down in the sand. She was unconscious. I picked her up and brought her in too. I hope I find out who she is tomorrow.
Wes knew this was his mother. He had heard this story from his dad before. The boy was his uncle. She had carried him 7 miles in the storm with a bashed head. Then it hit him, he was like her. Willing to do anything for Farrah, but why was she so different now. She could save her brother but not stay sober for her kids? He hated who she was now and wished his dad was right. Wished she was an angel. One who would help him keep Farrah safe. Wes began praying himself in that moment, even though he had given up on God the day his dad died. He stopped himself mid prayer and said “I don’t need God, I need a good lawyer.”
He had left messages and spoken to half a dozen lawyers trying to find one that would take his family case. They all came up with the same answer, they needed a paid in advance retainer. Wes knew that the money Maggie left them was worthless while her family had already hired their own lawyer to get it back. Thinking of this gave him an idea. Maybe Mr. Benson, Maggie’s lawyer would help them. He at least knew they would maybe eventually have money.
Wes listened to the wheezy older lady cough out a “Thank you for calling the offices of Benson and Benson, how can I help you.”
“Hi, this is Wesley Marsh, I was wondering if I could talk to Mr. Benson.”
“Which Benson dear?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I think his name is Riley.”
The crackled laugh passed through the phone. “Yes, I know they are both Riley’s, Senior or Junior?”
“I guess Junior. He looked young.” Wes said.
“Who did you say you were again? Are you even a client?”
“Well, I don’t know. You see he was Maggie’s lawyer and he was in charge of the trust she gave us.”
“You are that boy? Maggie told me all about you. How is your sister?”
“Fine, I am trying to get an attorney to help me fight in court for custody of her.”
“I see, well that is not really what either Mr. Benson’s do. I think they might have a friend though. Leave him a voice mail and he will get back to you. I will see to it.”
“Thank you, um sorry I don’t know your name.”
“Vicky” she said, “now I am patching you through.”
Wes listened to the generic mechanical voice mail, and said “Hi, this is Wesley Marsh, I was wondering if I could talk to you about helping me in court. Vicky told me you don’t really do what I need but said you might know someone. Please call me back everyone else I have called wants a lot of money up front. I don’t have it.” Wes felt pathetic. The stress of raising Farrah was far easier when he just had to worry about food money. Now he had to worry about paying attorneys. It was almost time to get Farrah with Dana and to go into work again. It would be a late night. Three hours at Destiny Destinations and then 5 more at Burger Hut.
In the car it was easy to feel the heat rising off of Farrah. He knew she was mad. Her face always turned a bronzed red and her crossed arms became a shield barricading her chest.
“What’s wrong?” Wes asked.
“Missy and her minions. They are awful.” Farrah didn’t picture Rachel and the other girls, she pictured Missy and Jake. Jake was just another minion now.
“Yeah, well what can you do about it?” Wes asked.
“Nothing I just have to live with the witch of a girl and hope she goes to a different middle school next year.” Farrah said.
“Well, I think you can concentrate on other friends. Invite someone over to Dana and Peter’s. You couldn’t before but you know you can now. If it is okay with them. Maybe if you have more friends she won’t bother you as much.”
“Well I do like Veronica. She is really nice. Can I call her Dana and have her come over?”
“I think that is a good idea.” Dana said. “Also I want to say something to you that took me 20 years to learn, and if you learned it now you will be so far ahead of Missy and all the other kids your age. Don’t whatever you do, Don’t waster energy on anyone who makes you feel bad about yourself. If you let Missy bother you then you are letting her win. Does this make sense to you Farrah?”
“Kind of. It is like I should not think about her because she is a waste of time?”
“Sort of. More like you are giving all your energy away. Energy you could use to do your homework, or play with the dogs, or do something great and you just keep saying here Missy you matter more so you get to have all my energy and concentration.”
“Oh, I get it. I don’t want Missy to get anything from me.”
“Then stop giving it away.” Dana said.
Farrah sat and thought about how she had been giving her energy away to Missy. Maybe that was why Missy had all her special powers. Why people followed her around like she was a goddess. She was just an energy sucker. Farrah remembered her extra homework because she just kept thinking about Missy and Jake in class. Farrah was done letting Missy or anyone else take her own powers away. She wanted to be better off than her class. She took Dana’s advice to heart.
“Dana how do I make sure I am not giving it away?”
“That is the question isn’t it. If you think about what you are doing and how other people will act because you do something you want, then you are giving it away. If you stop from being you because of what people will think, then you are giving it away.”
“If you are mad and angry at people then you get stuck and you are giving all your power to them.” Wes interrupted.
“The minute you feel like any of that, stop and say to yourself, I am not giving into you. Then think of the thing you want to do most of all, that doesn’t hurt anyone else and do it. Farrah you are smart and you will get this.” Dana said.
By this time they were parked outside the house. “Now you need to get out so we can go to work.” Wes said.
“Hey Wes, you’re driving is getting better. I don’t feel like throwing up today.” Farrah smiled at Wes.
“Ha ha. Go do your homework.”
The drive to work was quick. Dana barely noticed the stop signs Wes was rolling through. She seemed distant and in her own world. Even as they approached the small strip mall Dana just stared idly out the window.
“Dana, earth to Dana. We are here.”
Just like that the trance was broken. “Wes.” She looked him right in the eyes. “Acacia is coming by today. She is going to ask you something. I already know your answer. Please be gentle. Sometimes you can be a bit like a brillo pad, and she needs a sponge.”
Wes knew she was serious. Dana’s jovial tone was missing. She said this with fear. He had no clue what was possibly going to be asked of him, or why he would have to say no. He already felt guilt for this girl, after all believing her dead twice still twisted his insides. “What does she want?”
“Well, something you can’t give right now. Iris and I talked today. Anyway just be gentle.”
Wes couldn’t imagine what on earth Acacia would want from him. His mind wondered. What would he have to let her down easy about? It took 45 minutes of going through email, mostly junk, before it hit him. Acacia must have a big crush on him. She was going to ask him out. Of course he would say no. Who wants to date someone on their death bed? He immediately felt bad, but practiced in his head what he might say. “Sorry Acacia, I have my sister to worry about and I don’t want to start anything new.” “Acacia you are a great person, but I wouldn’t be good for you, I am just too busy.” “You are going on this trip, you won’t have time for me.”
Acacia had been practicing her scenarios as well. Trying to say what she wanted with out sounding like a friendless loser was going to be hard.
“Hey Dana,” Acacia said walking into the store.
“Hey girly, you here for more planning?”
“Well kind of. I did need to talk to Wes.”
“He is in the back, go ahead back there.”
Wes heard everything. He was nervous and tried to pretend like he hadn’t heard a word.
“Knock, Knock.” Acacia said.
“Yeah, come in.”
“Hi Wes, what are you doing?”
“Dana has me on junk mail duty. You know she has over 800 e-mails I have to go through.”
“Wow, that is a lot.”
“Yep.” Wes said.
“Well I kind of wanted to talk to you.”
“Okay, shoot.” Wes said while staring at the computer.
“Can you stop for a minute? It is kind of important.”
Wes hesitated, and then swiveled in his rolling chair. He looked right at her, hoping to not break her heart. Pleading with his eyes for her not to do this.
Acacia arm raised up to Wes’ face. The soft brush of her skin against his temple gave him goose bumps. He pushed back his chair, slamming into the desk behind him. Everything rattled with the thwart. Wes’ face looked scared. He didn’t want to kiss her. He wished he was anywhere but here. He didn’t expect her to come on so strong. Acacia looked at him brows furled.
“I have cancer, not leprosy, hold still you have a piece of lint in your hair.” Her annoyed voice was struck Wes with wonder.
“Oh.” He held still and let her grab a blue fuzz from his head. He looked at it and wondered where it had come from.
“Anyway, I wanted to talk to you.” Acacia took a step back and leaned on the door until it shut.
“Yeah, you said that.” Wes feeling like a fool about thinking she was going to kiss him perseverated on his dumb action.
“Well you know the trip right. My sister can’t go on the whole thing. The rents were willing to go, but I can’t handle them right now. I mean don’t get me wrong I love them, but they treat me like, dead girl walking. I can’t handle that right now.”
“Okay, so what does this have to do with me?”
“That is what I was getting to. They kind of think I need a chaperone, you know in case I kick the bucket while on my extreme vacation.”
“I guess I still don’t get how I can help.”
“I was wondering if you would come with me. I mean we can plan all those art museums and stuff you would want to see. Hell we can even go our separate ways, during the day. I just need someone to come with me on the trip.”
Wes realized, she was not trying to get a date, and now really felt like an idiot. He also understood what Dana had meant. “Be a sponge.” He said in a whisper.
“What? A sponge?” Acacia said.
“Sorry, mind drifter. Acacia, you don’t know what a dream come true a trip like this would be for me. I can’t leave though. I am getting a lawyer and fighting the state right now for Farrah. If I left I would come back and find her in foster care. I can’t do that.”
“Well what about Peter and Dana, can’t they keep her.”
“You don’t understand. Peter and Dana can’t keep her out. I am fighting to be her guardian.”
Acacia eyes welled up. “I get it.”
“Isn’t there someone else?”
“To be honest, I don’t have any friends. Being sick like I have been has driven most of them away and besides, it is their Senior year. They can’t just leave.”
“I am sure it wouldn’t be that bad with your parents.”
“Well, you don’t know them. They look at me like I am already dead, like I am just a walking ghost.”
“I feel really bad.” Wes said. He really did. He wanted to help give this girl her last wish. He would have wanted to give one to his dad and Maggie if he could. Those deaths were both sudden, and now here he had a chance to help someone dying and couldn’t. Not only that, he wished he could go. He had always wanted to travel, just like his dad. Wes watched Acacia cry for a minute. He reminded himself that this girl was not interested in him and allowed himself to rap his arms around her.
Acacia melted in his arms. The tears she had been damming behind her lids now burst through the barricade soaking a small part of Wes’ shirt. Wes felt Acacia’s bones pressing into his body. It nearly hurt, but he ignored the poking spots and held her there until she pushed away.
“I am sorry.” She said looking at Wes and wiping her eyes.
“For what? You didn’t do anything. I am sorry you don’t understand how bad I would want to go.”
“Well maybe I can stay alive long enough for you to work things out with Farrah?”
“Why do you do that?” Wes asked.
“Do what?”
“Talk about dying like it is no big deal?”
“Because it is not. I mean we all die. I just get the luxury of knowing when.” Acacia said.
“That is no excuse to pretend like you are not important.”
“Look forget I asked, have fun doing e-mails.” Acacia opened and walked out the door before Wes could even reply.
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