Chapter 6
Ghosts of Christmas Past
Wes stared at the ceiling, picturing all the places they could run to, a California Beach, up the coast to Oregon, or they could go east, he had always wanted to see D.C.. His dad had told him, “when you go to D.C. you breath in America”. What he really wanted was his Dad. His dad raced through his mind all day. He wondered if his dad would like these weird grass smoothies Dana had given them. Would Peter and his dad be friends? This was all new. When he was thinking about his dad before he would immediately force himself to think of something else, do something else, be somewhere else. That is where art had helped. This new allowance of thought pushed Wes, and he knew why he was allowing himself to do it. Paula was insistent that he talk about things with her. After the first session in which Wes impersonated a mime, Paula became quite frank with him “Look Wes, don’t talk if you don’t want to, I get paid either way, but if you want to ever be rid of me, then you have to talk. So, why don’t you tell me about Maggie?”
Maggie was easy, he could talk about Maggie and how she saved them. How she helped Farrah. How Farrah loved her. How he had thought Maggie was after Farrah, and how he put two and two together and knew she wasn’t the one who called Social Services. She was seeing her attorney to add them to the will. After that session everything became easier. It was just another thing he needed to thank Maggie for; she saved him again in a way he didn’t know was possible.
It was the fourth session when he finally talked about his dad. Paula laughed at the stories Wes shared, like the time they went camping at June Lake, Memorial Day Weekend and it snowed 3 feet. Farrah was little and wanted to sled, but they didn’t have sleds. His dad was not going to disappoint Farrah, so he grabbed his tool box from the truck and somehow unhitched the hood. They spent hours sledding on a neighboring hill. Farrah was screaming “Again, Again,” and Danielle their dad, would lug that huge hood all the way back up the hill. Then they would all go down together on it. When they got back to the camp and Daniele their dad began to reattach the hood, he gave up after 2 hours and the truck remained hoodless even when they sold it a year later. His dad made sure they kept the hood, he said it was the best sled he ever used.
Wes knew he was still avoiding the journal. He wanted to read it, but a part of him was scared to. He turned his head from the ceiling and began gazing at the journal across the room. He didn’t understand why he just couldn’t go over there and pick it up. Paula had encouraged him to read it, said he could learn more about his dad, and he wanted to. What he didn’t want was to miss him more. Would he go crazy like his mom? Sitting up on the bed, he stared at the journal, and said “I am not my mother, I will never be my mother”. He rushed and grabbed the journal before he could change his mind and opened page one.
I can’t believe I am on this plane. I joined the military to travel, but there wasn’t supposed to be a war. My recruiter told me that there was more chance of you being struck by lightning than ever going into battle. There hasn’t been a real war in over 25 years. Then again what else was I supposed to do? Aging out of the foster care system doesn’t leave you with much. I can’t change it now so I might as well do the next best thing, follow orders and stay alive. At least I am getting to travel, even if it is just to a giant sand box.
Wes looked up from the page, and around the room like he was seeing if everyone around had heard the same shocking thing he had. Then he remembered he was alone. His dad wasn’t a fighter. He had always thought his dad was the kind of guy who joined the military to be a hero and get the bad guys. This new Daniele Marsh was foreign. Wes shut the journal and began strumming the pages with his thumb. Wes knew he was done for today. “Do I even know you?” Wes asked this out loud.
Christmas Eve brought a crowd of people. Wes assumed he would have to wear a suit. He had gotten one recently from Dana after his attire to Maggie’s funeral included his best jeans and a polo. Dana knocked on his door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah sure.”
“I brought you a sweater for tonight.” She handed him a balled up kaleidoscope of knitted yarn.
Wes reached and pinched a corner. The sweater unfurled and Wes began laughing so hard he thought he might cry. “This is a joke right?” The sweater had a giant reindeer head on the front, the antlers were semi 3-dimensional and protruded out an inch, and dangling on the end of them was a cluster of bells. The nose was red and looked like it had lights. “Dana this is too funny,” and he handed it back.
Dana looked at Wes, with a pouting expression. “You don’t like it? I made it just for you.” Wes looked at Dana with a wide opened mouth, he felt horrible and regretted laughing at it. “Kidding Wes, Just kidding, you think I know how to knit? Anyway you are wearing it though. We are having an ugly sweater party this year. Everyone will be here within the hour. You should have seen your face, I am going to see if I can do the same thing to Farrah.” Wes laughed and hoped she would fall for it too.
Farrah had been enjoying her stay with the Shay’s. Her room was huge and she was always pretending to be a princess in the fanciest castle. Fee Fee and Cha Cha became her unruly ladies in waiting. Dana found Farrah in the study crawling after Cha Cha who had stolen her slipper. “You give it back Cha Cha, or I will only play with Fee Fee.” Fee Fee came up to Farrah after hearing her name. “Isn’t that right Fee Fee.” Farrah looked over and saw the Fee Fee had the other slipper. “Oh… I see gang up on the human.” She snatched the slipper from Fee Fees mouth and put it on. Cha Cha stayed under the chair teasing Farrah. “Fine I am going, I don’t care about that dumb ole slipper.” Farrah turned on her knees and saw Dana’s legs in front of her, she looked up and saw Dana looking down and smiling.
“Hellions, aren’t they. Pete insisted we get some dogs. I know they like him more than me.” She smirked. “Farrah I have a sweater dress for you for tonight. Really it is just a sweater but if we put a belt around it then it’s a dress.”
“Oh thanks.” Farrah reached to take the sweater. She unfolded it and saw it was mostly black with giant knitted Christmas lights, that coiled around the entire sweater. She took the sweater and threw it over her head. It fell past her knees, and her arms ended somewhere around the elbow portion of the sweater. Farrah smiled at Dana, fixed the shoulder pads, yanked up the sleeves and said “It’s great, thanks.”
Dana laughed and said “you are too nice.” “How did you get to be so nice?”
“I don’t know.”
“I think we need to do some alterations. Come to the laundry room with me.” Dana grabbed a sewing kit out of the cupboard and opened it. She began grabbing scissors and glue, and even some gold ribbon. The huge football player shoulder pads were the first to go. Farrah pretended they were hats like Maggies, while Dana carefully cut the sleeves off. She handed it to Farrah who again threw it over her tank top. Farrah struck several dramatic poses and said “perfect” in her best French accent.
“Not quite” said Dana, as she began wrapping the gold ribbon around her waist. She tied the biggest bow right in the middle front and glued it all in place. “Now you are done. I think you have a shot at winning one of the awards tonight.”
“I do? Wait what awards?”
“Well there will be an award for worst sweater, and an award for making an ugly sweater look good.”
“Oh, which one do you think I will win.”
“Making it look good of course.”
Farrah was excited to see all the ugly sweater people come in. She loved the ones that lit up, and one guys even played Christmas songs, she scoped for competition but didn’t see how anyone could look good in these awful sweaters. She couldn’t help laughing at a blinking Rudolph walk around the room on two legs, and when she finally looked up at its wearer she saw it was Wes. This made her laugh even more. She watched the door as she had invited Jake and wasn’t sure if he was going to come. Farrah didn’t mingle much, she felt awkward and shy. Most of her conversations with others began with them saying, “Oh so what is good over here” meaning the food table were Farrah was snacking at or “and this is Farrah” after being introduced by Peter or Dana.
Wes was a natural mingler. He was playing with ulterior motives. He knew that a lot of these people were work acquaintances of Peters, and maybe if he could show just how grown up he was, they would bend the rules, or just forget they exist on accident. How hard would it be to lose the file on them? Wes was on fire, he flirted with the older women just enough to make them feel good without crossing the line. The men in the room were just as easy to please, he made jokes and laughed at all theirs, even the bad ones.
He noticed Iris sitting on the couch, he was surprised to see her. He had figured she wouldn’t be up for a party after losing her daughter. When he looked next to her he saw Acacia, or at least a concentration camp version of her. That was twice now that he had thought she died. He wanted to go apologize, but she didn’t even know who he was. When Dana came to work that day crying he had assumed they pulled the plug because of the conversation he had overheard. Now he wasn’t sure what to think. He decided to go say high anyway, it couldn’t hurt.
“Hi, Acacia right?”
“Yeah, do I know you?” Acacia said.
“No, probably not, I was in your freshman class though.”
“Oh, well hi, and what is your name.”
“Wesley Marsh, you can call me Wes, I work for Dana.”
“I think I am going to get a drink excuse me.” Iris said, freeing up a couch cushion.
Wes held an open hand out to the couch as if to say, can I sit. Acacia nodded. Acacia reminded him of his mother, her hollowed out eyes and frail frame, it disgusted him, even though he knew Acacia frailty came from sickness.
“So are you graduating this year then?”
“No actually I finished all my credits last year. I guess I wanted an early start.”
“That’s funny me too, not for the early start, but from boredom.” She smiled and Wes remembered the girl she was before. She was a bubbling cheerleader who walked with confidence. She was anything but confident now.
“So how do you guys know Dana?”
“Oh, Dana is my God Mother, my mother and her have been friends since I was born. Dana and my mom met at the Dr.’s office when they were both pregnant and became best friends. I don’t remember her, but Dana and Peter had a baby girl named Kimberly who died when she was 3 when the babysitter fell asleep and she got out to the pool. Wow I probably shouldn’t have said so much.”
“I assumed Dana didn’t want kids. Why didn’t they have anymore?”
“They tried, and tried and spent thousands of dollars on it but she could never get pregnant. They tried to adopt from a baby one time but the mom changed her mind. So Dana and Peter I guess gave up. They are the best people ever.”
Wes looked at the goofy tri-colored santa hat Acacia was wearing. “I thought it was an ugly sweater theme not an ugly hat.”
“Ha, well better an ugly hat than an ugly bald head.” Wes should have known. Why did he say that? Acacia noticed the look on Wes’ face and felt like she needed to explain. “I have cancer.” I know thought Wes. “The chemo makes my hair fall out, so yeah, whoever said bald was beautiful was lying.”
“I am sure your head is prettier than his.”
“Wes pointed to an elderly man with a bald head covered in moles and what looked like freckles.”
“Hey that’s my Grandpa.”
“It is?” Wes looked up with an expression that looked like he got caught.
“No but you shouldn’t make fun.”
“You and Dana hang out a lot?”
“Yeah I guess so. Why?”
“You remind me of her. She pulled something like that today, when I laughed at this sweater. She made me believe she knitted it and that it really meant something.
“Yeah, that’s Dana.”
It was later in the evening when Farrah saw Wes talking with Peter and some man. Wes’ intense look worried her so she got closer to ease drop.
“You are in charge right?” Wes asked this grey haired man in a green and white pine tree pattered sweater.
“I would not say that, the law is in charge” the man said.
“I don’t have time to change laws, so who do I talk to about bending the laws?”
“Wes, it doesn’t work that way.” Peter said.
“Yes it does. A person should have a chance to prove something in this system. I can take care of Farrah.”
“You know Ron, what about a judge? Could a judge order in favor? Would that be legal enough?” Peter asked.
“Peter, don’t encourage the boy. He is barely 18 and this is not up for discussion.” Ron said.
“What do you mean not up for discussion, my sister isn’t important enough to even talk about?”
“Young man, don’t think that I don’t understand you care for her but your sister would be better off where people can provide for all her needs. Foster homes are not bad. I am sure we could arrange visits.”
“No, you won’t need to arrange visits, I will find a judge, I will get a lawyer, and I will get to keep Farrah.”
Farrah’s heart dropped, she had assumed they would get to stay and live with Dana and Peter or at the apartment eventually again. Farrah worried about being away from Wes, about what would happen without him. He protected her from everything. From the men her mom brought to the bullies at school. She would die without him. Farrah’s frustration boiled in her small body and erupted into a fury. She ran up to Ron and said “You can’t take him away from me. I won’t let you. I lost my daddy, and my mom, and Maggie and you can’t take Wes away!”
“No one is taking anyone away” Peter said.
“I am not going in a foster home. I like it here. Wes is here. I want to be with Wes. I will make him run away with me before I am in a foster home.” Farrah said.
“It just doesn’t work like that.” Ron said. “If your brother did that then we would find you and he would go to jail, that would really take him away.”
“You’re a liar.” Farrah yelled.
“Farrah, stop.” Wes bent down and picked her up. “Come on let’s get you to bed.”
“You’re a liar.” She yelled again over Wes’ shoulder.
When they got to her room, Wes could hear arguing going on in the living room. He turned on the radio that was on the desk in Farrah’s room so she wouldn’t have to hear it.
Christmas morning passed, and neither Wes nor Farrah left her room. Wes had slept on the floor per Farrah’s request, and Farrah woke never seeming to stop fuming from the night before.
“Are we going to get up?” Wes asked.
“No, I don’t want to talk to Peter or Dana.”
“I really need to go to the bathroom.”
“Okay, but do it quiet so they don’t know.”
“Be back soon.” Wes slipped into the hall and dashed into the bathroom, not to hide from Peter and Dana, more so because his bladder was about to split open. The relief overtook him and he enjoyed the feeling of his empty bladder a few seconds longer than normal. After washing his hands he walked to his room to grab the present he had been hiding from Farrah. He had never wrapped it so he threw the comforter off his bed grabbed the top sheet and wrapped it around the large canvas.
“What took so long?” asked Farrah?
“Sorry I wanted to get your gift.”
“Well I guess that is okay. Were they up?”
“No, but Farrah why are you mad at them?”
“Because they are fakers. They pretended to like us and help us and then they are just going to put me in foster care. I hate them.”
“Farrah they don’t have a choice. I already talked with Peter. I really think they want to help.”
“We just need to run away and not be found and then when I turn 18 we can come back.”
“Yeah that will work and you can be an 18 year old 6th grader because you wouldn’t be able to go to school anymore.”
“UUUUHHHH I hate this!” She screamed in her pillow.
Farrah crept out of the room like a ninja and went to the bathroom. She had left the door open and a sensational smell came wafting through the room. Wes imagined caramel covered cinnamon buns, or pancakes with sweet sticky syrup. His stomach began growling at him to get up and go eat. Farrah walked in the room. Wes could see she smelled it too. She was trying to hold her breath.
“Don’t you want to eat?” Wes asked.
“Yeah, lets sneak out and go to Moe Moe’s. You did promise.”
“I would love to, but Farrah it is Christmas they are not open.”
“Well I guess we can starve on Christmas. It’s okay but at least open your present.” Farrah had forgotten about the present. She unfolded the sheet from the gift.
“What a thoughtful wrapping job.” Farrah said.
“Only the best for you.” Wes replied.
Farrah had opened it backwards and had to flip over the large 20 x24 canvas. When she did she then realized it was upside down. “It’s me, but prettier.” She said.
“No, it’s you. Exactly you.” Wes said.
Farrah looked at the image. She was beautiful, her hair flowed in loose curls and her lips parted with a perfect smile. Her green eyes had every fleck of detail. Her nose which she usually saw as huge, was perfect for this face. Around her head were breaking clouds, that allowed sunset colors to peak through. The light seeming to come from behind the clouds lit her face in just the right ways.
“You made me an angel.”
“You already are.” Farrah leaned on Wes, and hugged him. “See how can they take you away?”
“Now I am mad. Your present which is no were near as good as this is already under the tree wrapped up, and I can’t go out there.”
“Hey Farrah, can you give me one more present?”
“Anything you want.”
“Forget you’re mad, enjoy Christmas and come and eat with me.”
“You asked for one more, not three.”
“Fine I am starving, come and eat with me.”
Farrah felt this was the fairest thing to ask of her and agreed. They arrived in the kitchen to a banquet brunch. There were muffins, bacon , sausage, eggs, fruit, toast, sandwiches, and things they had only seen on TV before.
“I told you Dana, if you cook it, they will come.” Peter said.
“Just so you know this is it guys. We don’t do the whole Christmas dinner thing. We eat a big brunch and then maybe snack.” Dana explained.
They gorged on everything. Farrah ate 10 Quiche, before she even asked and knew what she was eating. Wes ate a half a plate of bacon and only stopped when he ate a pumpkin spice cinnamon roll, that made him crave more sweets. As food disappeared moaning filled the table. Farrah had eaten too much and was regretting it.
“Farrah you want some more Quiche?” Peter said egging her on.
“Uhhhggg.”
“Good its presents time.” Said Dana “First last night’s party didn’t end so well so we didn’t get to hand out these. I guess you guys get them. She handed Farrah a Best Dressed button, and Wes a button that read Ugliest Sweater Winner. “You earned them.”
“I know I did.” Said Farrah. “My turn, my turn.”
“Farrah don’t you want to wait until last.” Said Peter.
“No I want to give it to Wes now, he already gave me mine.”
“I can wait Farrah.” Said Wes.
“So I can’t.”
“Let her do it.” Said Dana.
Farrah began skipping to the tree and digging under the branches. “Found it. Here Wes.” She handed him small wrapped box that fit in the palm of her hand.
“Thanks Farrah.” Wes tore through the packaging and popped off the box lid. In the box was a key. “What is this for?”
“Well, really nothing. It is a symbol. You see we don’t have our money yet, but when we get it I am going to buy you a car with my money.”
“Farrah, you got me a car?”
“Well no I wanted you to pick it out and it doesn’t have to be a car. It can be a truck or whatever, the one rule is it has to have room for me so you can drop me off and pick me up in style.”
“Oh, now I see why you wanted to give me a car.” The room filled with laughter.
“Now how do we compete with that?” Dana said
“Just tell them our news.” Peter said.
“We are going to help you.” Dana said.
“I quit my job.” Peter broke in.
“We are going to fight the system.” Dana added.
